"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance"- Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
One month in of having a newborn, our rainbow baby, Nathaniel I am missing our baby Olivia a lot. As he grows and does new baby things, I am reminded of everything we missed with her, and will continue to miss out on. I have guilty feelings as a mom as I have not visited the cemetery often at all this spring/summer and I hate those feelings. I don't want to have to leave my home to feel like I am loving and aware of all of my babies. Yet at the same time, I would love to be able to spend more time at the cemetery, alone or with my boys so that Cole will continue to speak about Olivia and Nathaniel will come to learn of her. I feel guilty that I haven't taken the time to put flowers at her grave, and frustrated by the fact that I am just busy with home life.
I came across this verse and I am trying to take comfort in the fact that she would want us to enjoy her baby brother and to remember that we will have an eternity with her someday.
I guess I would also like it to be made known that Olivia's baby brother does not take away the constant feelings of missing her. I have a great sense of relief to be holding Nathaniel in my arms yet it is also a reminder of the baby I miss everyday.
Going forward I am going to try to be easier on myself and remember that just as I weep and mourn for Olivia, it is ok to laugh and dance or celebrate life with Cole and Nathaniel and let go of guilty feelings.
