Matthew 16:21-22

"Jesus began to tell his disciples plainly that he had to go to Jerusalem, and he told them what would happen to him there. He would be killed, and he would be raised on the third day. But Peter took him aside and corrected him. "Heaven forbid, Lord," He said. "This will never happen to you!" "- Matthew 16:21-22

The above verses come from the devotional Isaac and I are reading. Below I will share a particular reading we recently read as I feel it explains the idea of suffering and that question so many have of "why me?" or "why do bad things happen to good people?"

"This baby will be fine. God wouldn't ask you to go through this again!" our friends said. We told only a handful of close friends that I was pregnant as we waited for the prenatal test results. These were godly people who loved us, and they just couldn't imagine that we might have to endure the heartbreak of loving and losing another child.
I think this was the same sentiment that caused Peter to respond to Jesus' words about his coming death by saying, in essence, "Don't even say it! Surely God's plan for you could not involve a cross!" Peter loved Jesus, and he didn't want him to suffer. But Jesus responded by telling Peter that he was seeing things merely from a human point of view and not from God's perspective. "If any of you wants to be my follower. you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me," Jesus said (Matthew 6:24)
The disciples knew well what taking up a cross meant. They had seen condemned criminals compelled to carry their instruments of suffering and death. We want to say to Jesus on their behalf and our own, "Surely God's plan for my life does not have to include a cross!"
What is Jesus saying here about what God wants? Does he want you to suffer? Lamentations says that "he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow" (Lamentations 3:33). It's not that he wants you to suffer, but Jesus knows that following him may require that you suffer for his sake. He is willing for you to suffer because he's seen the other side. He has the benefit of the complete picture, the long view. He's seen the glory ahead for those who are willing to carry their cross, and he wants to share it all with you. He wants you to experience the deep satisfaction that comes only from heeding his call to a crucified life. He wants you to experience the mysterious and amazing joy of taking up your cross and following him.

As I am nearing the end of this pregnancy with Nathaniel, I find myself thinking that same thing as stated above, God wouldn't possibly allow us to lose another baby. I stop those thoughts and try to focus on the present moment and how far we've come since losing Olivia. I know God is not cruel and does not intend for us to suffer and have pain, however his desire is for us to follow him and walk closely with him. If suffering is the way his plans will come to fruition, then he does and will allow suffering. However, if we choose to cling to him, and follow him through the tragedies and difficulties of this life, we can rest assured that we will enjoy the PERFECT life we have to look forward to; eternity with Jesus.

Micah 7:18-19

" Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives our transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us, you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." - Micah 7:18-19

I have passed the 32 week point in this pregnancy, which was the point at which Olivia was born. Although it's been a relief it is still a day to day worry and fear that I strive to let God take from me.
Lately, I have been hearing a lot of those stupid type of comments that I faced a year ago. For example, someone saying to Cole "Oh you're going to be a big brother?! Are you excited?" It takes restraint on my part to say something smart back.
I've heard while being approached by someone who fully knows of my loss "Oh, hi mommy-to-be for the second time...".
The most obnoxious comment I have received was from a nurse in the hospital when I went in to be monitored. While asking my obstetrical history she interrupts and says "Oh well you just have no luck huh?" This was before she even hooked me up to the monitor to be sure I wasn't the bearer of more "bad luck". Oh, and most recently, a nurse in my OB office saying "Why are we seeing you so often, do you have diabetes?"
To all of these comments I want to say; Cole is a big brother, he has been since we were expecting Olivia. Nathaniel is #3 and we plan to raise Cole as the big brother of Olivia and him.
I am a mommy-to-be for the third time. I did deliver a real baby last April, it wasn't pretend, believe me!
To that nurse and many of the other medical professionals I have come into contact with, WOW! I'm ashamed and disgusted. Have compassion and a filter on your mouth's might be nice. To those who are medical professionals that work with pregnant women, seek some training with how to speak to those who have had pregnancy/infant loss. It's not an easy path to navigate through, and I can assure you your comments hit hard when spoken with no regard for our sensitive needs and emotions. If we are attempting pregnancy again, we are stressed and emotionally fragile and don't need comments that add to our fear. Oh and read your patient's charts before you meet with them. As a nurse, I would never meet a patient before I knew generally what their history was. It makes you look dumb.
Although this sounds like a rant against people and their stupid comments, it is more me venting as I have not spoken up when I've heard the comments in person. I am in a more forgiving place than I was last year, hearing others' advice or words of comfort. This should serve as education to those who have no clue what it's like to lose a child. You can try to imagine it, but you won't ever be able to comprehend it until it happens to you. Choose your words carefully.