" Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."- Joshua 1:9
Way too much time has passed since I've last written here. It seems, each time I intend to sit down and write, someone (a small toddler or little baby boy) or something has stopped me.
I am sitting here, writing today, as it's nice and quiet in my home right now, while both boys are napping.
Entering into the holiday season has caught me off-guard. I am thankful to be able to recognize where my mood is coming from, but it doesn't make the emotions easier to deal with. Simply, I miss a little girl that should be here with us just so much. I struggle to imagine that this time of year is going to be so hard year after year. I am struggling because I look at Nathaniel and realize, it's because we don't have Olivia, that he is here. I don't know what to do with those thoughts, because, really I just want both of them, here, not one without the other and not one looking down from heaven.
I'm also feeling burdened because I feel like so many people who know our story directly or indirectly are so fearful for their own pregnancies and either avoid us like the plague or look to us for encouragement. Those who are "afraid" of us, stillbirth is not contagious. Truth is, what happened to us, does happen to way too many people, 1% of all pregnancies in fact (seems like a small percentage), but just think of how many pregnancies there are in this country alone at any given time. Please, when you think of my family, and the little baby girl we lost, stop being so fearful of the unknown and just use it as a reminder to go be checked if you have doubts or a feeling that something might not be right. Pregnancy after stillbirth absolutely proved to be less joyful for us, however instead of letting it steal your own joy from your own pregnancy, embrace the knowledge you now have from learning from our story. For anyone who has reached out to me for encouragement, please continue, that is what I'm here for. Although, please remember I don't always have good days. Ours is a story of loss and hope, but it definitely has a lot of rocky moments, days, weeks.
