Ephesians 6:10

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power."- Ephesians 6:10

During this past week I have experienced probably the worst social situation since losing my daughter. It happened during a work meeting when someone who obviously had not heard the news saw me and said very loudly "Oh wow, Ashley look at you...HOW'S THE BABY!?" After stating that I lost THE BABY, she couldn't just apologize and stop. She went on to say "oh, well don't you have another baby at home, SHE must be getting so big, how old is SHE?"--It took all the restraint I had in me to say yes, I do have another baby at home, that HE is 16 months old. Then I left the room, before I lost it. It boggles my mind to think that someone would behave this way. Talk about digging yourself into a bigger hole! I'm sure she felt bad after, but probably not as bad as I did. I thought to myself, does she really think that my having another "baby" at home, make losing a baby at 8 months pregnant easy(ier)? I have news for anyone who thinks that, it by no means makes it easier, it stinks just as bad. We had a lot of plans and dreams (as anyone expecting a baby would) for our son and daughter. We envisioned they'd be the best of buddies, being so close in age. We couldn't wait because neither of us had siblings close in age growing up. Now, I wait until the next big disaster conversation. It brings me back to a couple months ago when I really just didn't want to be around other people for fear of what they would say.
Also this week, I received a heartfelt letter in the mail from one of my dearest friends apologizing for not saying anything or not saying enough for fear of stirring up emotions. It made me wonder if I have done/said/written anything that makes people think they should not talk about Olivia. To my friend and anyone else who has had similar thoughts, don't worry that bringing up the subject is going to make me think more about it. The truth is, it is constantly on my mind. There is not one second of my waking hours that I'm not thinking of missing my daughter.
I guess I just ask that people are sympathetic. Like in the first scenario above, it's fine that she asked about my daughter, she had last seen me when I was very pregnant. People don't assume you may not have your baby (unless you've personally experienced it). I would like to think that once you did find out the bad news, that you'd choose your words more carefully, a simple "Oh I'm sorry" is good. Yet,
don't be afraid to talk about it around me, it is a huge part of my life, it is not news to me, I'm living it. I cry less when I'm able to talk about it. I don't however, want to discuss how my son is making the situation easier. They are individuals and I love them individually. Having one and not the other is not a substitute in my mind.
Sometimes I think that by losing a child, people view it as my having some disease that's contagious. I promise, it doesn't mean it will happen to you, if you discuss it with me. And even if it did happen to any of you, I'd be your biggest supporter.