"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." -Psalm 126:5
I have been doing A LOT of thinking about how we grieve and how we respond to people who are grieving. It has been revealed to me how some people just have a natural or maybe learned ability to reach out to those who are grieving for one reason or another. I am happy to say that I have been blessed to have some of these people in my life, helping me through my current grieving, over Olivia. On the other hand, it has been brought to my attention that some people ask "Really?" when they ask how we are and get the response "they are still grieving". My response to this is just that,"REALLY?!" It amazes me how our society views the grief process- that it's a specific order of feelings and has a timeframe attached to it. I have to say if one thing has gotten me to an angry point in all of this, it is this kind of thinking. It has been nearly 3 months since we lost our daughter. Apparently to some, that is plenty of time for making it through this type of roller coaster of emotions. However, this is not reality. I still hate that I don't get to hold my daughter and have her waking me up at all hours of the night. I hate that I won't get to see her meet all of those developmental milestones, hear her giggle and hear her cry. I cry everyday about this, several times a day. I may go a couple of hours feeling somewhat "normal", but can then be completely blindsided with grief over something minor that reminds me of not having her or even by nothing at all. I am emotionally fragile and anticipate this will last for a very long time. I don't plan on getting over this, I am hoping to make it through it. It is so evident that God has his hand in all of this, and I am so thankful for such a loving, caring God who weeps for and with me and provides me with signs of his presence on a daily basis.
I would like to challenge anyone who reads this to step out of your comfort zone and reach out to anyone you know who might be struggling or "grieving" over something and really try to come to a new understanding of grief. There is no timeframe on how long it takes to heal. When you ask someone "how are you?" ask like you really want to hear and know. There is so much suffering in this life, so why not learn how to bear one another's burdens as Jesus did for us.
Ashley, as you know, your feelings are normal. People who have never experienced this situation just don't understand. It's been 25 years for me and I still grieve. I don't say that to fill you with despair, but to let you know that you'll have a normal life and experience all the joy God intends for you to experience, but you'll always have that yearning for your little one. I truly believe that one can't experience true joy without first experiencing true pain. You and I have been given the opportunity to experience both and despite the obvious sadness of the situations, we have been blessed. Go easy on yourself and don't be offended by the ignorance of others. They'll never understand...and that's okay.
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