Proverbs 29:22

"An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot tempered one commits many sins"- Proverbs 29:22


Just yesterday I was told that "you really need to get angry". This was said to me by someone I rarely see while I was in tears after speaking with the superintendent of the cemetery that Olivia is buried in. I have been on their case about putting Olivia's stone down since I  got word that they have it. They have had the stone for about a month now, but have told me that they only put them down two times a year, meaning the next time is in the Fall. I will admit I got agitated  and very close to being hot tempered with the person on the phone as they also told me we can not plant in front of her stone, only in front of my grandparent's. For anyone reading this, you may wonder what the big deal is, but it is a very big deal when a piece of black granite is all you have marking your child's short existence here on earth.

The statement "you need to get angry" hit me, like maybe I do need to. I've thought a lot about it since yesterday and realize the potential to get angry is there inside of me. It usually just comes out as tears.

I felt angry tonight as I read Cole the story of Jairus' daughter whom Jesus brought back to life in the book of  Matthew. Yet it came out as tears. I know both Isaac and I prayed for God to do this while I was in labor on April 7th. Being reminded of  this story, makes me angry that he didn't do it with Olivia. However then I look to the verses Lamentations 3:32 which says "Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love." and Lamentations 3:38 "Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?" I can't imagine what good can come from losing a child, but I choose to believe that the Lord is showing compassion on us.
We are the direct result of the suffering God promised after the disobedience of Adam and Eve. It makes me sad, resentful, and angry, but somehow I am able to accept God's compassion and go one day at a time through all of my emotions.


As an aside, tomorrow marks 2 months for our sweet little angel whom we miss immensely and can't wait to spend eternity with.