1 Corinthians 2:9

"That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."  1 Corinthians 2:9

It has been almost 1 year since our little Olivia was born into our Savior's arms. In preparing for her birthday, the vivid memories of that day can easily haunt me. There is not one minute of any day that I do not miss her or desire to have her here with us. I am getting emotionally exhausted just thinking of April 7, 2013 and how difficult that day will be, one year later, dreams having been shattered, yet a new blessing in my womb. One who would not have existed if one hadn't died. It is a challenge to comprehend. I am so thankful for a God who loves me and knows my thoughts and worries and can carry those burdens for me (when I let Him!).
I have been thinking a lot about how much I love Olivia, it's the same kind of growing love a mother has for a child that she gets to spend every day with, physically. I don't know what she would look like or how she would act or what her first words would have been, but she is my daughter, and I love her with all my heart and with time, that love is growing. I still get hurt and frustrated by people's hurtful comments that disqualify her short, precious life. I suppose I will live the rest of my days on earth educating people who have no clue. Something I will gladly do to honor my daughter, but not something I'm excited to have to endure.
 I also often get frustrated at the fact that I don't know what she is doing or if she is still a baby in heaven. I imagine her as a baby, as that was when I last saw her physically. To me, she will always be my baby. I believe I am not the only mother who thinks often about their child's life in heaven. As the above verse states, I can't possibly fathom what lies ahead in heaven, but I believe it is going to be wonderful and breathtaking. Until then, I choose to daydream of my little girl and what she is doing.
                         
 "Someday, mommy, we will hold each other tight! Then you will cradle me in your arms, and stroke my hair...and once again, our hearts will beat together."- taken from Mommy Please Don't Cry.